


Magikarp fucking kills Arceus

by nodezsh



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pokemon
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-08-11 13:57:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16476851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nodezsh/pseuds/nodezsh
Summary: He fucking does it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Bold Siebold](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/429446) by Amber the Placenta. 



Magikarp was listening to FuntCase when a passing Munna farted in his face. This enraged him so much, he learned to fly with dubstep alone, then flew to Hall of Origin, raped Cresselia, boiled her lube and virgin blood in a kettle and poured it on Celebi, melting her face, which Magikarp ate, gaining her sexiness. But his face was still stupid.

Bass dropped in his earphones, and so hard, it made every anus in a 2,41 mile radius explode. He thought about dicks, then slashed Mewtwo's tail off with a screwdriver. While Mewtwo was processing what the frick happened, Magikarp ate out the wound, sucking all his blood out. Along with the tail, Magikarp flew to Arceus' domain. He bit on her vagina, pussybitchslapped her with the tail, rudely waking her up.

Acreus opened her divine eyes, then spoke. "What in the shitty fuck do you want, you pathetic asshole of a nature mistake?"

Magikarp challenged her to a duel. "I challenge you to a du- whatever, you know."

Arceus told him to eat a dick sandwich. "You must be hungry there, care to have some tea?"

Magikarp was pissed. He ate a passing elephant. "YOU HORSECUNT!"

Arceus laughed her godly throat out, her face close to his. "And proud."

Magikarp used Splash. "NNNNGH!"

Arceus made fun of his foetid face then stomped the puny, weak weakling into 25,86 grams of coke, which she snorted with joy, then went back to her sleep. But Magikarp used Splash, and she exploded, her golden, powerful viscera staining the walls and no one but Magikarp. Being stained in the Alpha Pokemon's flesh blood made any creature so powerful, they could drown a Wailord.

Magikarp laughed his throat out violently, as his rotten heart throbbed with sadistic lust. He killed the shit out of Ash Ketchum, wore his hat, fucked his mother then ate her vagina, an addiction he got after tasting Arceus' one. Next, he laid a poop on her face, just for fun, then teleported the shit right in the past, in his father's testicles. When his dad jizzed in his mother, he bit her bellybutton out and retched the outdated, half-chewed sushi breakfast right in her baby-carrier.

For a strange reason, Magikarp didn't change at all. The fuckpair stared at the fish weirdly.

"...SHE'S SIMULATING!" he screamed then used Splash. It was a critical hit! It killed the whole world, making it crash and reset. When the world started again, Ash laid in a puddle of neutered Garchomp piss, rolling around, constantly crapping, ejaculating and laughing because he loved grapes and his sister had mammoth genes. He suddenly screeched like a flamingo having an orgasm, launched runny shits in bursts and came so hard, his tear-ducts vomited out May, who sat on his face and he smelled her cunt gases while Ghestis nearby listened to Squarepusher songs and fapped his ugly, unwashed prick off, until it exploded and his dickbone shrapnel pierced both May and Brock, which caused all quasars to sing black metal and cheeseburger ghosts war against demonic parallelepipeds in an oven filled with sexual frustration of castrated dogs with haemorrhoids alone.

A passing by Lucario used Belch, filling the galaxy with chocolate bile. Everyone drowned and died.


	2. Ash's face.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> something

Ash Ketchum had a face. The sole fact made May cry Zoroark vaginal juices, which became rusty Mega Sharpedo cocks and pelleted her Blaziken to death. Ash fucking grabbed Blaziken's corpse, then fucking shoved it up his mouth, chewing the fucking meal with his pearly-white nigger teeth. The sounds revived Arceus who swore divine revenge on the spineless cackface who stole her fucking powers.

Meanwhile.

Magikarp growled in rage most sadistic as his robotic fist relentlessly pistoned into the face of a fairydemon beneath him. Inflicting pain on weaker people made him froth in bliss. His fishprick came out of the alien cyborg's groin, which he shoved up a Gardevoir's throat. He then flung her into a dimension where ever time is ablaze, where she will become a parlor for hypocrites, who will never be satisfied with her work. Arceus came down from the skies then slapped Magikarp's suit off, which she also ate, being hungry after all. Magikarp threw a mountain at her, which she turned into dust with a mere pish.

A vicious battle began. Magikarp's blows were like golem cock mortars while Arceus fought like a Red Bull spiked King Kong. Arceus ate Magikarp's tail, which exploded her face inwards through galaxies made of potato chips exquisitely fried in testosterone flames and shiny Gardevoir bile with all IV's 31. Magikarp laughed.

"Ho, what turned you so sanguine, you bellend?" Arceus droned. Magikarp turned silent. Right then, he vomited a compressed stream of demonic hymen blood at Arceus, melting her face with the power of man's naiveté and causing her to question her existence. The ignorant pissfaggotry drove Magikarp into adrenaline-infused hysteria.

"MMMNNGGGYAAAARRRGH! 1/10 WOULD NOT READ AGAIN TROLOLOLLLOLOOOoOoOoOOOo-"

Arceus was no different.

"OOOOOORRRGHHtYatyATyaTYaTyATyAtyA!" She started rolling on the ground, making machine gun noises and punching random people's faces into puddles of laughing piss which laughed so much that Ash died. Arceus and Magikarp understood that they both were made for each other by powers beyond thinkable, so they fought for no reason at all.

The future...


	3. tale of boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get weird

A boy named John Thomas McShlickShlack trudged on through the isolated deserts of isolation with a mysterious expression that only neutered German hounds could read. As billions of atoms and molecules below his shoe screamed, suffering for naught, his eyes searched around for an abandoned, ancient object of great value; the eye of Origin...

After the truly destructive and calamitous battle wreaked havoc upon the relatively pitiful creatures in a mile radius from the field of the clash, the winner landed a firm jockslap behind the loser's head, deoculating 'em for good. One eye the winner stole, but another one he laughed at, then left. Josh Christmas McShlongSmack's parents were killed to death by the ruinous waves of pure fuckforce that the battle caused. The young man swore revenge at the cackfaces who left him to the merciless, figurative hands of loneliness and self-sufficiency.

As he landed an umpthousandth step upon the dry sand which blanketed the area, he suddenly felt a bulge under his leg. He looked down, moved his leg away and upon his joyful shock, it was:

The precious jewel was stained with dirt and scorpion jizz. He picked it up and LICKED IT CLEEN OMG. The sphere reflected sunlight with trillion colors, an eyegasmic view which would make the most imaginative and artistic souls cry tears from their eyes. Rosh Truman McShnangShmock lips smiled. He had found what he searched for; the eye of Origin.

Thet made him so powerful, he could fly, because his legs weren't legs, but discarded cell phones with colors which satisfied no one. Also the relic allowed him to see with his legs, and see not simply, but also straight through time and space.

Imbued with immeasurable powers, his every cell pulsed with strength to kill lives with mere glares. He teleported into the town that Magikarp conquered first after his ruthless deicide; Slateport City. There were no humans at all, almost all of residents were Water-type Pokemon, mostly ocean-, sea-, or pond-dwelling species. Armaldo, Kingdra, Lanturn, Mantine, Relicanth, Luvdisc...Some of them FLOATED on land, just like in the game. The natives negated their nefarious duties by fighting with nightsticks in night clubs while wearing nightsuits and nightvisions, fucking with nightshades and singing Nightwish songs about nights. During the day.

*snap* Posh MachShitebagShinkick accidentally stepped on a branch, drawing everyone's attention. EVERYONE looked, even deaf ones.

"What the fuck...a branch...? There are no trees around!" Hash McJungleduckChucklefuck roared in his head. 

Mosh McMaharajahJarwasher slapped himself, then giggled. 

Rorschach McBangladeshBalderdash reminded himself to choke himself on grizzly intestines macaroni later.

Moments later, he was jumped by 125,7 Pokemon at the same time. The unfair, douchebaggoty move enraged Pish McHashishBlokemash. His heart ejaculated adrenaline flames, filling all his capillaries, veins and arteries with pure rage, which caused all of his muscles to bulge and his dreams of peace to shatter in a haze of dark, malevolent fog.

Suddenly, The Armaldo could taste the boy's fist with its throat, which in response convulsed like an orgasming cunt, vainly trying to drive away the aggressor. Next, the boy kicked the monster's face so hard, it scarified the shoe size and firm name on it, and while it flew he latched his vicious vampire fangs in it's eyes then flung it in a hideous pit of rape whales. He grabbed a Lanturn's light bulb, then brutally bit it off, making it fall on the ground. As it writhed in agony, he fucking beat it to death with it's own fucking light bulb. He ducked a Hydro Pump from a sneaky Kingdra, then stuck his erection in its tubular mouth, the tip reaching its brain, where he came, his seed so potent, it could impregnate anything. ANYTHING! The Kingdra's brain became a womb to hold and raise the future generation of **sh McX***X***'s

The violent show made other Pokemon cry and run away.

Magikarp and his Florges slut appeared. "Who! What! How dare you! Why! Huh! Yadda-yadda-yappity-flappity-wappity-blap!"

The boy only grinned a wide grin. His reply was to harshly hack, then spit a single projectile, which wasn't a mighty mucus blob, but a confused cockroach aedeagus. It hit the Florges, driving her into a robotic orgasm, expressible only by dancing crazy dubstep dances.

"Tulsa!" Magikarp yelled. She stopped, dug out a hole, laid there then rapidly consumed sandwiches of her own organs. Magikarp watched it all, crying and fapping his ugly fish cock off. Jackdaughter MukShitpissShotposs laughed. Magikarp became his bitch. For more info on Jockeater MC's bitch contact UR MUM HEHEHEH TROLOLO11!!1!


End file.
